It’s just another day, repetitive strain on my over-tired-bored-lethargic-non energetic-brain! Is this normal? Is it normal to feel so un-enthusiastic and so exhaustingly un-inspired?
I suffer from two conflicting, poor personality traits; the first is what I feel could almost be a medically diagnosable attention deficit. Which causes numerous problems within a working capacity; I love the professional challenge; I revel in the initial intellectual stimulation, the profound sense of purpose, drive and personal motivation. Then! Wake up day 74, merely months into a potentially rewarding career with obvious longevity and room for continued personal exploration yah yah yah. I feel numb, I feel emotionally overwhelmed, introverted, broken, like a rocking chair that lost its movement. I am despondent, bored! BORED?? Next job please? And it continues….
The Second is my irritating pipe-dreamy delusion of success and business acumen. I have this natural desire to be successful, run a professional establishment. I need to feel like I make people proud, I need to mother every situation. Don’t give me a problem dear god, even if I am busy, really busy I will go so much out of my way to fix said problem, that no one can ever reciprocate my generosity to the same extent making me bitter and feeling un appreciated . I subconsciously create workloads that are unmanageable just to prove to myself that I can cope?! But inevitably I it ends in my shocking discovery that in fact I am not superwoman and funnily enough I can’t actually cope!
